Truths and Acknowledgements

Bonjour!

I can hardly believe it, but I only have 8 days left in Mahadaga! Next Saturday we are driving back to Ouagadougou, and Monday I catch a plane back to Charlotte. Wednesday I fly to the PTI airport, and I'll be home sweet home! These two months have been SUCH a blessing. It hasn't been easy, or comfortable, but I have learned so much about myself and Jesus, especially about how He loves His children. It's taken blood, sweat (so very much sweat), and tears to get me to this place, but I understand agape love better now than I ever have before, and I wouldn't trade it for the world. I thought I'd take this blog post to share with you some of the things I've learned during my 2 months here.

1. Joy is not the same thing as happiness. This is one of those things that you hear in Sunday School as a kid, and it just doesn't compute. I have known this with head knowledge for most of my life, but I have experienced this truth more than ever before while living in rural Africa. Take this morning, for instance. At 5:45 I woke up, because I was sticky with sweat--my fan was off. But the button was still pushed in. With a sense of foreboding, I got up and tried my light switch. Nothing. Apparently, the power went out at 5:30, and didn't come back on until sometime after I left at 8:30. Because I was so miserably hot, I couldn't fall back to sleep. Laying in bed, I discovered a whole batch of new mosquito bites that would not stop itching. I finally got up again and realized that I had run out of toilet paper, and I would have to go buy some more. Plus, I had run out of sugar a few days ago, and I realized that I was going to be eating either bland couscous, rice, or oatmeal for the 4th morning in a row. I'm not going to lie, I had a miniature melt-down there in my living room. After about two minutes of unadulterated misery, self-pity, and whining, I went and buried myself in my Bible. Reading God's Word did nothing to immediately affect my mood, but it reminded me of the truth: That God has everything under control, and that if I trust Him, everything is going to be ok. His grace is new every morning (I had to repeat that to myself a few times), and He by Himself is more than enough for me. Reminding myself of this as I was working in the library, hauling huge stacks of dusty books off shelves to be labelled, my circumstances stopped mattering. It took a few hours, but eventually my mood turned around. When I am driven by happiness, that is directly affected by my circumstances: my environment, the people I am with, the stressors in my life. However, when I am driven by joy, I accept the truth that I am a beloved daughter of the King, even when I don't feel like it. Which leads me to my next point,

2. Reading God's Word and spending significant amounts time in prayer has a direct and drastic effect on my life. This might sound dramatic, and I'm sure if you've spent any time in church, you've heard this, but I heard it for most of my life, and rolled my eyes. Sure, the Bible is important, but it gets really boring sometimes, and I have better things to do. Like sleep. And make dinner. And watch Netflix. I know--trust me. It hasn't been until the past 2 years that I've spent intentional time hanging out with Jesus (I aim for daily, but that doesn't always happen. Actually, until I came to Africa, I don't think I'd had a full week of daily devotions!) But seriously. If you are like me, and you feel like you don't really need to spend time reading your Bible, I'm gonna tell you something that you're not going to like: You're wrong. Sorry, I know that sounds really harsh, but your spiritual life will EXPLODE if you intentionally abide in Christ like John 15 tells us. Please don't get me wrong--I'm honestly not trying to make you feel like you're a bad person or like you don't love Jesus enough. But I want for you what God wants: Life like you have never before experienced. Even as a Christian. If you haven't touched your Bible since Sunday or earlier, I dare you to read through the book of John, a chapter a day. If you miss a day, don't worry about it or try to catch up, or else you'll put it off. Pray before each chapter that God will show you His love and truth. You might not get a "spiritual revelation" every day, but I guarantee that it will change your relationship with God for the stronger.

3. I am a horrible missionary. Your first instinct is probably going to be, "Oh, I'm sure that's not true." Believe it, because I'm not trying to fish for compliments. I jump at spiders...even when I know they're there. I can't sleep without a fan. I eat all the time without accountability. I fantasize about going to Target, eating vegetables, chocolate, or pizza, hanging out with my friends, reading my books, and wearing pants. I am sick to death of goats bleating, French music blasting out of the boutique across that street, and sweating through my first outfit by noon. I can barely speak French, not to mention the local language. I am a bad missionary. I'll let you in on a secret, though...I don't think anyone is actually naturally what we picture to be a "good" missionary. You have to learn it. What I have learned, is that the same reason I am a "bad" missionary is the same reason that I have struggled for so long with unconditional love. I am terribly addicted to my own convenience. I want to feel my ideal temperature, eat my kinds of food, spend my time my way, listen to my music...me me me. Being a missionary is not convenient. You have to pick up everything and go be a guest for the Gospel. Saturday mornings I am most aware of this, when I am trying to sleep in, and the Africans are all like, "Well, the sun gets up at 5:30, so we're gonna get up at 5, and be TOTALLY LOUD by, say, 6:30." And my Western mindset, at 6:30 AM, is highly opposed to this: "Why are they so inconsiderate? Don't they know I'm trying to sleep?? These people are CRAZY!" But what I fail to remember is that to the Africans, I am the crazy one. "WHY is she still in bed? Doesn't she know the day has already begun? Americans are LAZY!" Acknowledging these cultural differences is not the hard part. The hard part is, at 6:30 AM every Saturday morning, making the choice every five minutes to forgive the Africans and go pack to sleep, or to just get up and let it go. That's what unconditional love is, I've realized: not a choice to focus on the best in a person, but seventy times seven choices to accept that person's flaws or differences, and not hold it against them. I'm learning this in ministry both with the nationals, and those I'm working with. Don't get me wrong--I couldn't ask for a more amazing group of people to be working with. But everyone has different ways to come to a solution, and sometimes I have to deliberately give up my "right way" in my head, because loving the other person is more important to me than feeling justified. Self-righteousness has always been one of my biggest temptations, and it is a hard truth that it has taken a removal to a different continent for me to learn this. I will never perfect this, but I now have the framework, and the ability to let go, where I never did before.

4. My normal lifestyle is not Gospel-oriented enough. Of the things I miss about home, I've noticed a theme: I tend to miss the things that are more comfortable and easy about home. Back home, I don't have to focus on buying tomato paste or using a computer. I just...do it. Here, though, I have to mentally steel myself to sound like an idiot who can't hear the difference between cinq and cent (5 and 100, so it's pretty significant), or remember to press <shift> on a French keyboard every time I want to type a number. Everything I do here, from turning on my stove to walking across my room in the dark, is done intentionally. I cannot go on auto-pilot here, and it isn't until you can't do something that you realize how much you normally do. How much of my day in America is spent invested in the moment? Every purchase I make, every person I pass, every 5 minutes on the computer that turns into hours...what if I gave that all to God? What if every purchase I made was pleasing to God: healthy food, no impulse buys of stuff I don't need, buying fair trade items. What if every person I passed I shared as much of the Gospel as possible with: if I didn't have time to tell them about Jesus, what if I smiled, or held the door, or helped them with their bags? What if every time I got on the computer, I remembered that "my time" is not actually mine, but God's that He allows me to use? What if my driving force was advancing His kingdom, regardless of personal comfort, gain, reputation, or convenience? The music I listen to (no matter the genre), the tip I give at restaurants...what if God's body made intentional choices to focus their lives after the Gospel instead of the American norm? If we cared more about showing other people love than preserving our personal rights? Imagine: if we gave the Holy Spirit free reign in every aspect of our lives, what would be different? I'm reading a book here called Emerging Churches by Eddie Gibbs and Ryan...Bolger, I think? Can't remember for certain =) Anyway, I really recommend it for those who identify with what I've shared here, who have experienced a burning for Jesus and His Church, who ache for today's Christians to wake up and be transformed by the Gospel. Don't read it, though, if you're not prepared to have your ideals questioned and your entire view of church shattered and rebuilt. This book is wonderful, but difficult! I'm still not finished.

I know that's a lot, and I'm sorry, but I know that a lot of those of you reading this will never get the chance to live overseas, and I think that these truths are applicable universally, wherever you are. I love you all so much, and I will see you VERY soon! This might be the last time I update you all via blog...if so, you'll hear all my stories soon!

Prayer Requests:
-Continued intentionality in loving
-Time management, especially in homework
-That I will remember God's new graces every morning
-Flight back to the States and back home

Praises:
-It's raining, so it's much cooler right now!
-I got to Skype with my family for my mom's birthday, and the call was very clear and we got to talk for a long time
-I've been given sufficient time to finish my Honor's project, which means I will continue to receive scholarship for this semester
-I'll be home soon!

Au Revoir!
XO Sarah

John 14:27 "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Your heart must not be troubled or fearful."